Empty Hands, Empty Mind

The what? On the Who?

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 08:36:37 GMT

I'm high.

And someone stole my Cherri'O o O o Cherrio'o's.

Man, that wa weird. I never had any of those.

Maybe my parents restocked the food in the house.

Time for an adventure.

Something to be treasured!

Maybe some gold!

I need to stop thinking like this.

<3 Sarah, yo.

And the Dog chases the Cat

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 21:36:19 GMT

I'm back.

I've met someone, by the name of Sarah.

Details, details, there are many, but I am not going to tell of any.

I babysit for my job, as of current times. I get about 120 a week, with 40 going to my dad, right now. It's a very boring job. The kids go to bed at 9:00PM, with me usually being there until about 2:00AM. I don't know how I do it, but I do. It's very fucking boring though.

So, I will start with updating this nifty, in my life, tool. I hope it isn't too emo, too stupid, too fagtastic, or anything else. It is just me. Like usual.

So, here's to my first blog entry in a very long while.

Goodbye.

Sarah = < 3

Holy Bejeeze.

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 05:39:28 GMT

Some information I found out today opened my eyes and made me a happier man.

That's all I can say. I am happy though. :dances:

My night. (yesterday night)

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 05:45:51 GMT

Holy shit. For once, my night was worthwhile. At first, it was rather taxing, I didn't know how it would turn out. I didn't have anyone to go eat with at Texas Roadhouse. I didn't know what to do, since older plans had fallen through the night before. In one small act of desperation, I called Lauren, the one with which the plans had formerly fallen through, and reorganized. I met with her, first time meeting, at T. Roadhouse. Needless to say, it was only 2 ours, but 2 hours of fun. I don't know, if it was just having a girl willingly talk with me, without me having todo something.. I don't know, but it was fun. I certainly hope this can be replayed and have another fun day as this was. It was incredible, for me.

Yakkity Yak

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 06:13:15 GMT

Huh. Look a there. Yeh, I can see.

Adventures into my mind.

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 08:13:11 GMT

Heh, well, I felt it was ready for an update of sorts. Holidays are abroad. Yay. Or something.

That's all, except my LJ Cut thing, below this line of text.

I'm a good guy.. I guess. I'm respectful to the most part, or try to
be. I'm not pushy, I don't jump on oppurtunities, I listen to what
people say. I just can't grasp the realationship value. It never works.
I havn't tried alot, for the most part, but everytime I do try, every
time I muster the courage up to try again, I fail myself before I can
even test anything out. I recieve no little chances, no sliver of hope.
I watch people as the go about their cuddling adventures, making out, I
stand as a spectator. It's the same old everytime. i just can't seem to
jump in, make myself join. I don't know if I am a different type of
guy, someone who keeps such secret, stuff like that confidential, more
close to me. Oh, I hold those things of value, I keep them to myself. I
don't like to show such as public affection, I hate to make out in
front of people. Sometimes I think I make people feel jealous, whenever
I have had the chance to make out.

Am I just socially inept? I can't seem to muster any courage whatsoever
to grab a hold of things. Usually my accompnying party members jump on
the bandwagon and do whatever while I sit and entertain the group that
is hardly changed at all. It always happens like that. Even if I try it
a different way. I seem to isolate myself, always the loner sitting in
the chair, staring blindly at something. Watching others so happy just
breaks me down, makes me immobile. It's an ongoing course that repeats
itself over and over, not just in my head, but in reality. I question
everything I do now. is it right? Should I even do this. Would it make
an ass out of myself? I seem to get snappier when all this happens. It
just kills me to watch other people happy with someone, because I can't
seem to get anyone.

All I am asking it seems, is, what the fuck is wrong with me. How can I
change this. Is it even changable. Who has been through this. Will it
be an ongoing cucle like it currently has been for atleast years of my
life now. I am 18 and it has never changed. I just sit and watch.. sit
and watch. Over and over again.

and here we begin

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 02:14:46 GMT

Well, I have a reason to update, finally!

It has come to my all-important attention, that my grades are down. Who knew? Well, I know I did, and my parents. There are some explanations as to why they are down, such as called by my parents. I will list these in an orderly fashion, as not to cause severe confusion in the masses.

1: The reason for my grades being down, is simply not wanting to do them. My opinion in the matter carries no strength. It is meaningless. They control my thought, pushing false facts into my mind. I did not "forget" to do it. "Forgetting" is nothing. It doesn't exist. I chose, on my own, to not do the work, ever. Even if I didn't understand such work and I turned it in, I still didn't do it, which results in bad grades.

2: My drug activity increased due to a rise in social contact with other people. To solve this, it seems, I am limited to only weekend being spent with such social contacts I like to call friends. The "group" I hang out with is full of trouble. The leader, the one man who influences me, an adult of 18 years, is a 16 year old diabetic that goes by the name of Michael Curtis, also known as Vengeful_Scars. He pushes everything into my mind and makes me do bad things. Hell, I bought the shoes I am wearing solely on him wearing the same kind, yet only a different color. I didn't buy them because they were comfortable, I bought them because [b]he[/b] wore them. Also, my clothing attire has changed dramatically from shirts with funny, almost witty sayings on them to more dressy, almost attractive shirts. Again, that is a byproduct of one Michael Curtis, holding a gun to my head, and telling me how to dress. I guess my own attractiveness and my own wanting to actually acquire a female plays no part in this.

All in all, they blame everything around me, for problems that can only be blamed on their parenting skills. Hell, look at me, I'm such a failure. My grades havn't hit the needed mark they need to. It's my friends fault though. I'm not a human being, I can't make mistakes. I have to be perfect in every way while living an unperfect life. Well, I should pose this question to my parents the next time they want to start some shit over me:

Instead of blaming my friends, the world, and that dead possum that you guys saw on the road, why don't you take a gander at yourselfs int he mirror. You taught me everything I know. You bought me everything I had. It's not my friends fault, it's not anyones fault but yoursleves. Look at your own daughter, she was pregnant by the age of 16, and she never completed highschool. I'm a failure in your eyes. So what's the real question? It's not what I have been doing wrong, it's what you have been doing wrong, for these 18 years.

---

Well, that feels much better to get out of my system. In othe rnews, I like Mountain Dew. I also like pizza, riding bikes in the sand, and cutting off little babies life organs. I'm one sadistic satanizing fucker aren't I. Holy fuck, I'm an atheist! Hi Mommie and Daddie! :wave:

C H Check it out

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 21:02:12 GMT

I must be totally bored to write about nothing, which I am doing. So, my day was boring. I woke up late, well, i forced myself to sleep late and my mother woke me up, so i headed to school at the start of 3rd period and left after 4th. Viola! I need to stop missing school, I'm sure it's going to hamper my graduating acts of violence, or something. I took some brand new pictures yesterday and I made some drawings with MSPaint, showing what I think some of my favorite songs look like, in shitty pixalated artwork. Hmm, what else is there to say? Myspace is great, great for meeting rad people. Just like two days ago, I started meeting people on it. Before that, I was pretty much dorment and such. But now I'm blossoming into some wierd flower that smells like a heep of dried socks. Heh, oh yes.

Hesh wants super hott married SECKS.

juice

And here they are my pretties. The pictures of doom and such!

Oh, now you can destroy me with comments!

Grand Ole...

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 00:54:39 GMT

Hah, this is super grand. Since I left LJ for a few months, I know have no one reading mine. So I'm posting just for the hell of it. Hi, my name is Josh, I'm a druggie, I like to drink, and fuck anyone who crawls into my path.

I'd like to thank the academy.

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 18:15:34 GMT

Heh, look who's back? Surprised? No. Happy? No. The same old guy? Yes. I am back to this lovely tool to say my feelings and such. Heh, what fun, what fun. Well, this week has been boring. I am also nearing my 1 year of not having a siginifcant other, as usual. I'm getting use to it. It's not that different, except y'know, not spending time with someone, just yourself. So, how have all my avid listners been? Does anyone even visit this place anymore? I doubt it, since I have been rather dead for the past 3ish months. This weekend, which is still going on, has been off and on fun.

I got out of school Thursday for a 4 day weekend. I didn't do anything on hump day, but on Thursday I did my usual shit. Smoke some weed and drank some. The house we were at, the guys mom came home and ordered us all out, so I accompnied a friend of mine, Laurielee, to her house. Oh my. Yesterday was rather lackluster, stupid, boring, and nothing happened that made me want to stand and yell in happiness. Today, I don't know what's going to happen and I seemingly don't really care. I am thinking about just staying home tonight. I don't know if I want to be socially active anymore.

Oh, and here are some poems for the unlazy, their hidden within.

I bid every a good day, or try to make your day good.

-josh

"when I was young, i loved to be by myself, all alone
but now that i'm older, i'm scared to be by myself, all alone"

-the good life, tim kasher

sorry to bother you
but it seems i read out to much
thinking with my words
talking with my emotions
these things never work
they never do
without a point to my story
how can their be a perfect ending
nothing is ever perfect.

--

i wish we could have met
under better circumstances
but it seems there is no better
in the lives of the quiet
never to be heard, never to be seen
come down now, everything looks perfect
from far away... far away

--

the train whistles a call
our last stop is arriving
does it really end here?
merely disconnected from reality
i'm living in a fantasy world
of hopes and dreames completed
it does end here
wake up, your stop has arrived

--

eyes blurred, cozy in it's blanket of skin
tears streaming down the carrassed cheek
you're alwats beautiful when you cry
we find perfection in the little things

--

my perspective, as it seems
is a wrong in every way
you will see something, so true
but it's only your imagination
i shouldn't mind
but my senses will me to

--

Gmail

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 16:03:26 GMT

Googlemail, the new system comming out with 1GB space. I have 5 invitiations for it. Anyone want one? If you do, what do i get in return!?!

Nother thing.

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 05:18:33 GMT

Who's been commenting in your journal?

1	effinjuice	47 comments	27.01% of total
2	vallygurl	31 comments	17.82% of total
3	fairytale_liar	25 comments	14.37% of total
4	laurielee	22 comments	12.64% of total
5	scabbyabbey	5 comments	2.87% of total
6	sneeze_already	4 comments	2.3% of total
7	a_deadly_rythm	3 comments	1.72% of total
8	_danse	3 comments	1.72% of total
9	Anonymous	2 comments	1.15% of total
10	nightingal	2 comments	1.15% of total
11	x__onelastwish	2 comments	1.15% of total
12	ohno______robot	2 comments	1.15% of total
13	xbrokenhrtdx	2 comments	1.15% of total
14	bangbangbebop	2 comments	1.15% of total
15	_lessthan33	2 comments	1.15% of total
16	_ambulancex	2 comments	1.15% of total
17	televators	1 comments	0.57% of total
18	empty_th0ughts	1 comments	0.57% of total
19	punchdrunkkids	1 comments	0.57% of total
20	beaversmackies	1 comments	0.57% of total
21	kelleighopper	1 comments	0.57% of total
22	bisou_x_doll	1 comments	0.57% of total
23	iladiicabrerai	1 comments	0.57% of total
24	sharpsmile	1 comments	0.57% of total
25	forgetmejersey	1 comments	0.57% of total
26	hearts_exposed	1 comments	0.57% of total
27	manicstricken	1 comments	0.57% of total
28	1000lies	1 comments	0.57% of total
29	better_daughter	1 comments	0.57% of total
30	sandybutt	1 comments	0.57% of total
31	gayxcore	1 comments	0.57% of total
32	_bleedingpoet	1 comments	0.57% of total
33	heydevon	1 comments	0.57% of total
34	blubunyhopp	1 comments	0.57% of total

These statistics were generated using the LJ Stats Web Interface by mpnolan. Original idea from scrapdog's LJ Comment Stats Wizard.

Sweet sweet silence

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 03:26:14 GMT

Boom, I don't have an updater on my PC, so I am doing this the ghetto way.

Ghetto

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 15:45:07 GMT

Distilled water

Mon, 03 May 2004 02:54:26 GMT

Y'know, these days drag on and on forever. Let's recap on the last few weeks that I havn't posted any useful information.

As it stands right now, I have quit the sport of Football because I have lost all heart in it. I didn't want to play solely for the players, so i decided to give it up. I don't care if it was my senior year or not, it's gone and over with. My life drags on in unending boredom. It's like nails being driven into my eyes at such a pace that, y'know, you'd like to have them driven slower. I would love some alcohal right now though. Lap that shit up like it's chocolate and stuff. I want to go to Cursive, which is comming up soon, but I am not 18. I would love to have an I.D. stating that though. One of my favorite bands, and I am blocked by my age.

Heh, I havn't had much problem with the little people telling secrets in some while. It's still in the back of my mind, whoever sent that letter to my parents. That's something that will never be found out though. Hmm, school is almost over. It's blown by, along with many seconds of my valuable life. I need to get my grades up a little bit so I won't fail anymore classes. Not good to fail. Senior year is comming up, and next year at this time, I will be off this shithole and into some other place. I might take some kind of trip with friends that graduate and friends that havn't. It's all in the planning of my senior year, which isn't quite here yet. Well, I am done now, so do whatever. This is boring me.. this place.

Shameful Disadvantages

Sun, 02 May 2004 18:58:50 GMT

No, I am not dead. I am merely not active. I will start posting again sometime in the future.

fuck me.

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 04:23:17 GMT

Your Suicide Note by prisoner655321
Your Name
Your Age
Title of the note	I was just so alone...
Most memorable line	I'LL BE BACK!
How many people will read it	88
When you will be forgotten	January 23, 2006
How will you do the deed?	hanging yourself from the apple tree

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Sweet.

fuck me.

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 03:53:56 GMT

I have a fucking lack of originality. Shoot me now please. Or tell me never to post again.

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 05:22:47 GMT

Thank you crack girl. :D I wvu the icon.

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 04:11:07 GMT

http://www.livejournal.com/community/icons_and_stuff/5400.html#cutid1

and

http://www.livejournal.com/community/icons_and_stuff/5252.html#cutid1

Death comes in whispers

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 16:34:48 GMT

Wow, this thing is dead so far as I put it on friends only. Ain't that s ahbbey mother fucker. Well, Spring Break is here, I don't know if I am gping to be allowed to do anything at all. This is going to be fun.

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 22:47:11 GMT

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Liveliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Social Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Abstractness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Introversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Independence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Tension	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Take Free 16pf based Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Smell hate

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 22:21:24 GMT

Thanks. Thank you all for comming to see my show. Feed my hate through your actions, please do show me the way.

Sat, 03 Apr 2004 20:39:51 GMT

Friends only now. If you want to be added... leave a comment. Yeh, I dont trust anyone now.

Sat, 03 Apr 2004 19:06:23 GMT

Whoever is the little shit who sent me this black mail. You're balls/overies are mine. I will find you. I will kill you. Thanks. Fuck you.